I've gone blog crazy.

Hey, know what's annoying?

2007-06-15T16:57:00.000-05:00

People who make you change your bookmark. Go here now: www.gonecrunchy.wordpress.com

Much love, friends.

And for the record

2007-06-12T11:46:00.000-05:00

I thought the ending to Sopranos was brilliant. Like everyone else I was pissed at first, calling it a copout. Then I realized it was because I had been duped and I was lashing out because I felt dumb. But it really was a genius ending.

Just wanted to publically state which camp I'm in for The Question.

The most important question

2007-06-07T15:47:00.000-05:00

I know about myself that the degree of my anxiety can spiral into mildish panic attacks if I let it, so for the most part I am good about keeping it in check. But this Kelsey Smith thing has completely unnerved me.

I took the kids to (coincidentally) Target today and without consciously realizing I was thinking about it, I became hyper-aware of everything I was doing. I was second-guessing whether or not I was putting myself and the kids in danger by how I came in and out of the store. I am fairly educated in the 'safe' ways to do things, but with two young kids I am always going to be somewhat vulnerable. And I think that's the reason I'm so disoriented - the arbitrary and audacious way it happened: In the busy parking lot in broad daylight of a nice neighborhood. Obviously no one's immune to the possibility of danger; I'm just having a hard time processing this one in the balance of my anxiety. When do you know where the line is between cautious and paranoid? I'm not sure whether other people parent along the same lines that I do, in that you make choices that are best for the child within an acceptable frame of risk (or simply: don't make choices you'd regret if you know better), but I'm probably not alone. And when I think about my kids getting older and having more independence, I can't imagine (literally) where I'll be on the overprotective spectrum. It's a balance of caution, common sense, faith and fate, I suppose. So how do you think rationally about the panic that associates with the safety of your children? I dunno. Maybe the better question is whether we should.

Another open letter to AT&T

2007-06-05T16:06:00.000-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

You suck. I hate you and the pimply obnoxious summer-job-having teenage morons you have working for you in all your call centers across the country. Especially Dan. And Joseph (whom I suspect may not actually be in this country, though I was kidding before when I joked about outsourcing).

I'm not doing the bundle package you scheduled me for because you employ people who take a lot of time to create intricate lies, and frankly, that creeps the shit out me. In fact I plan to go through the steps of ending business with you altogether because we all know you don't care in the least about your customers - let's not kid ourselves - and we know Joseph the smooth liar and Dan the pimply twit will have no repercussion for their actions, despite my unleashed anger and demands for supervisors who all apparently were gone today (unwise HR planning in my opinion). Be aware I intend to leave loudly and with the hope that everyone I know follows, so that eventually you'll go down in the unethical morass you've built your empire on.

Again, in closing, you suck. I hope your CFO embezzles all your money and you go belly up before the pensions clear.

Karma will get you. And I plan to wait.

Sincerely,

Jennifer

Sounds right..

2007-06-04T12:16:00.000-05:00

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just because you were disguised as a toy doesn't mean you weren't educational, you sneaky bastard.
Take this quiz!

Monday June 4th

2007-06-04T10:40:00.000-05:00

Not much happening around here. I've been having a whole lot of headaches lately, pretty mild ones with a few migraines thrown in, and I'm trying to figure out why. I've always gotten migraines in the spring/summer time, so I think allergies must have something to do with it, but I'm not sure. I know I wake up Every Single Morning with a tension headache (it feels like my gargantuan head has been putting pressure on my eyes while I sleep) that usually fades by afternoon. I know it worsens exponentially if I try and read or fart around on the computer first thing, so I wonder if it might be vision related. Except I only wear glasses when I drive, and really, the script has always been so mild it's basically by choice I wear them. I suppose eventually I'll go into the Optometrist (Ophthamologist?) if it continues. I also haven't tried to figure out yet if it's related to caffeine or dehydration/lack of sleep, which are my usual migraine triggers, but I really don't think so. If for no other reason than nothing has changed with my lifestyle other than the weather (and possibly hormones) so I think it's allergy related. I think that's an odd presentation of allergies, with no other signs, but whatever. I'm not really worried right now, just irritated and keeping an eye (ha ha) on it.

So we've been going to the gym to get out of the house (just like I thought we would. Who incidentally gets into shape besides me? I'm such a weirdo about some things.). And at K-State when I went to the rec I would walk/run the track upstairs to warm up, and two songs stood out as my "running" songs: Fuel's 'Shimmer' and Monica's 'The Boy Is Mine'. I'm mildly embarrassed to admit that, b/c those are not the most musically-gifted of songs, but they both had a great rhythm, and they were first on my mix tape (awesome!) I worked out to. And I remember from then that I could never, ever run if I wasn't on the treadmill looking out the window. I just need to be distracted and in place to actually get productive calories burned. And the same is true now, except they have little TVs attached to some of the treadmills, and I can watch Extreme Makeover or other mindless TLC shows while I boogie to my boy JT. I've also found a new perfect running song: Muse's 'Knights of Cydonia'. I lurve me this song, it not only has the perfect 4/4 cadence, but it's got a kick-ass guitar section that quite literally has me headbanging - nodding, at least - it's so fun. (ETA: I forgot to add that the best part is leading up to the guitar bridge where the voices go quasi-acapella a la 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. It builds momentum before crescendoing into the guitars - thus the overwhelming release of the head-nod. It's so borderline cheesy in its gloriousness. Ok I'm done.) And it's 6 some-odd minutes long, so if I listen to that twice I've run like, a mile and a half. And that's good stuff for me, since I'd rather go to the dentist than run.

Gotta go, someone's squawking. They're beginning to learn I must be trying to communicate to the outside world when I'm on the computer. Drats.

Unabashed Name Dropping

2007-05-31T22:22:00.000-05:00

Or: Why I love my friend Chris Zampas.

Zamp and I worked at Carrabba's together, and after he graduated with a film degree from KU he promptly moved to LA to get into the movie industry where he's got familial connections. I hadn't talked to him since Christmas so on my way home from book club tonight (where I outed myself as an uberdork for casually throwing out the Shakespeare quote 'methinks thou dost protest too much' in conversation) I called him to catch up. We chatted and he told me he had just finished assistant-editing a movie that had Topher Grace in it. I dig Topher Grace, so that was exciting to hear that he really is as nice as he appears in most of his characters. Chris told me a certain director whose movies often make me think he was tripping when he envisioned them (rhymes with Boliver Crone) fulfills his rep as an a-hole, and that Jon Heder's brother looks exactly like him. Then he tells me he's working on a movie now that has Joshua Jackson in it. And, I gotta admit, I have l-o-v-e-d me some Pacey since he was Charlie Conway in the Mighty Duck series. I'm sorry, I do. And I was so excited I blurted out that I'd love an autograph, though really they've always seemed sort of dumb to me. He told me no, because he doesn't want to be known as a 'fan guy', and I completely understand. I don't mind in the least that I get a kick out of blogging about my celebrity vicariousness, but it's not cool to make Chris look like one of those people.

[Which really, it's all kinda ridiculous - that I am just like most people caught up in celebrity, and that the higher up you go the more cool you're supposed to act about it all, as if it's not the reason they're popular. Whatever. Either way I get it, and don't mind that this is fun for me and a job for him. And, to clarify - because I'd hate to paint him differently than he is - Chris is not one of those Hollywood people. He's incredibly sincere and down-to-earth. He just knows I'm a dork and would love to hear about what he's doing now.]

So that's it. Topher Grace and Joshua Jackson are pretty cool drops in my book. But I made sure to tell him that if he could ever get a picture of even the FOOT of Matt Damon I would die a happy, happy girl. **Sigh**

It's a random blog, but I'm not sure what day it is.

2007-05-30T08:01:00.000-05:00

And this isn't even because of Mem. weekend. I'm always a little confused what day it is if there's no schedule for me to be anywhere, and now that Jack's school is out.. well, there ya go.

So I'm feeling torn about this moving thing again, simply because after some heavy rain last night and morning, there is STANDING WATER ON MY WINDOWSILLS. It's the same wall in the dining room that we've had worked on eleventybillion times. We'd had condensation on the outside of one window for a while, but our computer is flush in that corner, and I was in denial that maybe it was from the minute amount of heat coming from the computer tower on the floor. We never open that window b/c obviously (duh) it's right next to the computer. But then fairly recently I noticed condensation on the other window right next to it (and between the cursed leaking back door). Again it was denialdenialdenial (or, in a less ethical thought: we'removingwe'removingwe'removing) because I just don't want to have more construction work done. But I'm going to have to call Jamie Martin at Pulte and tell them something's wrong. And I'll probably get run-around and put on a 4 month waiting list to fix it. But maybe it's good we do all this now, b/c if we had tried to sell it and someone demanded it be fixed, we'd have been scee-rewed to wait for Pulte. I tell you what though, I will be one unhappy litiginous puppy if we have problems selling this place someday. ROAR.

On a lighter note, Lo can (with prompting) say the following: apple, Jack, Daddy, Momma, Nana, Papa, poopy, hi, uh-huh, unh-uh, bye, baby, woof-woof and woo-hoo. And the funniest unintentional thing I've heard Jack say is "let's look for flamimbos on the suhbanana" (translation: let's look for flamingos on the savannah).

Lazy day

2007-05-28T14:48:00.000-05:00

..for that promised weekend photoblog, minus last night's block bbq, because I totally forgot (though it's the second time in a week, so I'm not worried it won't be recreated again). I actually don't have many pictures of anything else either, because my artistic ideals don't pan out in photography either. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Loyal Royal fans: Jack and Maggie (aka Magpie or Pie)

Demasculating the animals (for Lawson the cat lover)

Some of the pals at the wedding

And a loverly day for the park

So whatchoo do this weekend?

Gardasil

2007-05-26T07:58:00.000-05:00

I don't wholly endorse JudicialWatch, but this info is easier to read than the actual VAERS reports, and I think it's important for people to be aware of the recorded reactions while doing their research. (ETA: I shrunk it b/c it took up too much space. Read it here.)

Also you can click here to view the Garadsil Related Deaths Reported to VAERS as of May 11, 2007

Yo

2007-05-25T08:58:00.000-05:00

Usually I am wary of Michael Moore because it irritates me that his stuff is so edited his validity becomes questionable. And his arrogance really gets under my skin. But I dig that he picks things worthy of an in-depth documentary. So I'm pretty excited to see Sicko (Wikipedia's the most inclusive info I could find, sounds like it's really on the DL until released). About our national and private health care system, the movie already is apparently trying to be squashed by the govn't and that excites me in a 'damn the man' kinda way. We'll see.

Let's see..We are headed to the Royals game tonight (woo hoo for buck night!), have a wedding tomorrow and then a bbq on Sunday. I'm sure Monday will be a photoblog.

So that's it for now, happy Friday and have a safe weekend everyone.

ETA: Cyndi just enlightened me a bit more on the Michael Moore bidness, and makes me think maybe this won't be what I think. I'm calling her out to leave her opinion as a comment.

It's always Tuesdays I have random blogs..

2007-05-22T15:36:00.000-05:00

Let's see.. Jack's last day of school was today. And it was sort of anti-climactic (similarly to his first day of school). I have, since 5th grade on, been extremely emotional when school ended for the summer, so I figured I'd be sad since Jack's teacher is leaving to teach somewhere else. We had a picnic at the park across from the school, and the kids all went banzai on each other for an hour and then it just.. ended. I didn't get a chance to give Miss Janet a hug b/c she had to take her afternoon class inside, so it feels unfinished, but really, just because she was a huge impact on our life doesn't mean she has the same sentimental feelings for our specific family, know what I mean? No biggie. I wish her luck, she's a wonderful teacher.

(Oh, and I ended up going to HD to get plastic terracotta-looking pots, and just paint-penned my clever saying on them. Glued some fake little flowers used for scrap booking for multi-dimensional flair, and voila (again) - my latest arts-and-craft badge was earned.)

We signed up at the local Y (which, I know it's dumb, but there is something that seems so.. retro or 80s to say I'm going to the "Y") which I'm stoked about b/c I'm going to need to take the kids somewhere this summer as a (hopefully) daily destination. And I really don't think there'll be an anxiety issue with the daycare like there was with Jack (and is the reason we canceled our membership the first time), so in a really oddly roundabout way, I'll probably coincidentally get into shape, simply because I'll have time to myself in a place that happens to be where you work out. We'll see; I'm excited nonetheless.

I read a sad story today about a boy who died from a recurring fight with Leukemia, and the part that is noteworthy is that his parents had won a court case a few years ago to legally treat him holistically and without chemo. Now a few things pop into mind: One, would I do the same? I dunno. I'd probably research the HELL out of it and see what I think. But I'm not sure. I believe chemo and radiation do some nasty, nasty things to your body. But they often kill the cancer cells, so for the vast majority of people it's worth it. But this couple decided that the long-term effects of a rigorous course of treatment could possibly not be worth the risk. So what I would like to know is if they are regretting they stopped chemo the first time (they did go back on when it came back). Do they question their decision? Do you think they are ok that they had 11 years with a relatively happy boy, vs 30 (20? 60?) years with someone who had lasting physical effects? This sort of falls into the category of the other article I posted last week, in that it's only getting attention because it's alternative medicine, but this is definitely not black-and-white as I see it. I have maintained a fairly moderate view of allopathic (or at least Western, evidence-based medicine), but I just don't know what I would do in that scenario. I feel badly for them, regardless.

Lastly, I'm patting myself on the back that it's 77 degrees in here and I have the air off and the windows open (Jon is so proud, I'm sure. If it were up to me the house would be at 70 year-round). It's breezy and not too muggy, so that helps. Every Spring when it starts to get warmer I feel a magnetic pull to move back to Colorado. People assume it's so bad in the winter, but if you can handle massive snowdrifts, it's really not that bad. And regardless of how long I live here, I will ALWAYS be a Colorado girl at heart. Which, speaking of, I found my old CO friend Dave on Myspace that I haven't spoken to in years, and it's been fun catching up and seeing clips of his band play. Looks like they're up-and-coming on the Christian scene, so whodathunk I could find an old friend who is now semi-famous (in some circles)?

So for those who are still Myspace haters, get over it. It's not all predators.

An open letter to AT&T

2007-05-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

To whom it may concern,

I am writing with a few suggestions on how to provide better service to your customers. First, please include a phone number on your website somewhere. Anywhere. I recently wanted to use my "land line" to make a "phone call" to a "real person", but was forced to dig up our bill to find a number. And then I mistakenly called the number for a cell phone package I don't need. Somehow you have too many phone numbers but not enough useful ones. (I feel like that should be clever somehow, but in reality it's just really irritating.)

Secondly, please employ people who don't have a)two sets of orthodontic braces, b)mouthfuls of popcorn, or c)wired-shut jaws. I don't really like the thought of you outsourcing to India, but if you do, all I ask is that I am able to intelligibly converse with the person to which I finally speak.

Thirdly, if I'm asked if I make international calls and I answer no, that means I know no one outside of the continental U.S. Even if it's only $10 a month. I don't really make long distance calls on my land line at all, so I really don't need long distance calling to Singapore (though I appreciate the effort of the example, I was able to understand the country suggested).

Fourthly and most important: Please instruct said employees to not be rude. Customer Service is a job specifically to help customers, so unabashedly snide people should probably be relocated to billing. I don't think it's my fault I'm not up-to-date on all of your recent package bundles, and if you want more of my money it would behoove you to make it as easy as possible for me to get suckered into more products.

I hope my letter provides impetus for change, because despite the Ma Bell monopoly breakup in the 80s, I really don't have a lot of choice for phone service, and don't feel like trying to un-bundle my neatly packaged service just to spite you.

Sincerely,

Jennifer

Just b'cause

2007-05-19T08:20:00.001-05:00

enter clever gorilla title here

2007-05-18T16:44:00.000-05:00

Did you ever see the scary gorilla, Fats Geronimo, in the band at Showbiz Pizza? That thing caused me crazy nightmares for a long time. And this story is enough to give me PTSD flashbacks (though I'd prolly be pissed too if I were a gorilla stuck in a zoo).

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Bleeding Purple

2007-05-18T08:32:00.000-05:00

There's no excitement like following a team on it's way up. And in twenty years when we're considered one of the old-school powerhouses, this will mean even more that I was at these games. Who resoundingly beat the Oklahoma team considered the best in college football history? K-State baby!

Eat 'em up, eat 'em up, KSU!

Just (another) reflection

2007-05-16T12:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Jon and I attended the visitation of our friend Susie's brother who passed away last week after battling brain cancer for the past year. And I'm hesitant to write about it b/c I don't want to sound crass, or that I'm trying to take advantage of the situation by having something dramatic to talk about. I'm not, but I wouldn't know if it's a major social gaffe to discuss it on a blog anyway, so considering most of you know that I think out loud to flesh out my feelings, I hope my sincerity provides the mulligan this may need. If nothing else I just want to try and journal for myself what an impact it was on me.

I know most people dislike funerals and the events surrounding it, but my terror of it all is probably borderline phobia. Needless to say, I was so incredibly not looking forward to doing this. But I am so.. honored that I got to be there, it was incredibly humbling. Suze is one of 8 kids, and has 17 nieces and nephews. I've always known the family was close-knit, but I had no idea how much so. There was a scheduled hour of remembrance for Will, and people told stories and read letters; it was amazing. I wish I had gotten to meet him - he sounded like such a genuinely wonderful person. You could tell people weren't just trying to say nice things to honor him, they were trying to be succinct in all the things they could say. There was so much laughter, it was obvious he had such a sense of humor. But then Susie's dad stood up to talk. Wow.. this is what I hesitate to write about, one because I don't know if I will be able to do it justice and two, it was.. I just don't want to cheapen it. But his speech was (without drama, I promise I'm trying to keep my superlative nature in check with this blog), the most genuinely poignant thing I've ever witnessed. Truly.

I knew Susie's dad was a commercial pilot. But I hadn't known Will (who would have been 34 today) was also. And when Mr. Reno went up to speak, he was calm, eloquent and very.. patriarchal? stately? I don't know how to describe it. He read a letter he had written to Will before he passed, and then added an addendum. It was the story of how pilots are saluted by the groundsmen before takeoff as the symbol that all things are a go, basically, and to have a good flight. He spoke of how pilots are subjected to flight checks periodically that are graded 'satisfactory' or 'unsatisfactory'. And apparently when someone is doing their final flight check, you wish them a safe flight to the West. This is meant both literally and euphemistically.

And although it probably seems obvious where I'm going with this, I can't explain how honoring it was when Mr. Reno turned, saluted Will, and wished him a safe flight to the West, where his final grade by God would be without a doubt beyond 'satisfactory'. It makes me tear up just writing it. It was so amazing. All the cliche storylines you've ever seen could have been written from this one true and raw moment.

My friends have told me I've been known to say I wanted 5 kids (though, I think they're all separately smoking something, I don't ever remember saying that.), but in the past few months I've been testing in the back of my brain whether I think maybe we could be done having kids, for simplicity if nothing else. I mean it's so easy to only have two. Everyone fits so nicely in tables and rooms and cars; soon we can move into the mobile stage where things are easier when they're more independent. And I have always believed in the 'village-raising-the-child' adage, but it's easy to forget that when I imagine my daily chaos multiplied by more kids. But the support that comes with family is incomparable, so although I'm sure it was beyond crazy growing up with 8 brothers and sisters, last night was a testament for why it's worth it.

Above all else, I was humbled to be part of a room filled with people celebrating not just a life very well lived - Will had an incredibly strong and faith-filled new bride and friends and family who all thought they were his favorite person - but what life itself should be. And even if Jon and I don't end up having any (or 6 for that matter) more kids, I appreciate the reminder of why in the end you do it. My heart goes out to Susie, her husband Ryan, and the rest of her family - what awesome memories they all must have. I sincerely hope someone could write the same blog about my life someday.

A return to normalcy

2007-05-14T14:38:00.000-05:00

So this weekend was Mother's Day (which, pampered as I am, I actually get a whole weekend. Have I ever mentioned how much Jon rocks? Lucky girl, I is.) and it's been, not surprisingly, thoughtful for me.

First off: We aren't going to build. We're not even going to move. Many people had been praying that if this was not the right decision that something would happen pretty obviously. And when we were getting the (still ongoing) run around from the city, I thought that seemed telling. But last week Jon's company announced they were being bought out. So even though I'm not really worried he'll lose his job, it certainly could be possible, and moreover, we could be asked to relocate. So, we pulled in the reigns and stopped the move. Which, considering we never actually put the house up, seems more than coincidental in my divine-intervention-believing opinion. Now, we do have half our stuff in a storage pod somewhere, which will have to be brought back, unloaded and unpacked. It sucks that we straight burnt that money, but in retrospect I still don't think we made unwise choices. Had everything rolled along like we understood it at the time, we wouldn't feel silly for this. Life changes and things happen, y'know? Which weaves into my other train of thought this weekend.

We've added a couple more recent deaths to the list our friends have dealt with this year, and given the reflective holiday, it seems very clear to me that I need to be very aware of why I'm blessed. The kids and I were driving on the highway on Friday when some jackass swerved his F-950 or whatever and would have squashed us if I hadn't seen it happening. After my heart slowed I thought about those events that can happen when everything changes. Like a system restore point on your computer, it's the moment when suddenly you can't go back. I've had a few of those in my life, but certainly not recently, and despite any whining I may do, I really do know and appreciate why I am happy. Sometimes I wait with bated breath for the proverbial other shoe to drop, and I know it will again - you can't run from those events forever. But I hate regret. I hate the feeling that you should have *done* something different but just didn't for some reason. And generally I don't live my life so that I would have any major regrets. I say that not to pat myself on the back, but because I know myself enough to know it would eat at me forever, and I want to avoid that. So I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bummed that we don't get to build a pretty new house, but I won't waste my time mulling about it. It's a bummer, but that's all it is. I'm healthy, I have the most beautiful kids (really, I do), one of the coolest and most loving husbands ever (again, not kidding) and a house that I may not totally love, but it covers my head and is not actually going to fall down around me in the next year (I hope).

So that's it. The stupid pod will be RE-delivered, my nosy neighbors can have more gossip fodder, and our life will be settled back into it's routine. But I have pretty green grass now - and that's good. ;)

P.S. If anyone locally (or further, I guess, if you really love me that much) wants to come over on Thursday and help us unpack the pod before it goes back Friday, I will give you beer, pizza and many thanks.

Fair and balanced, eh?

2007-05-10T08:43:00.000-05:00

My friend Courtney posted this article about a vegan couple who were jailed for starving to death their infant by feeding it apple juice and soy milk. And, of course, it's casually mentioned at the end that the baby had been born at home. I realize this is to infer that it had never seen a medical professional, but why infer anything? That's a fact that should have been directly stated as pertinent information to report. However, the effect of how it was worded in my opinion lends prejudice against those living an anti-mainstream lifestyle.

And I realize that most of you don't care other than being sad for the baby, but this kind of thing sticks in my craw simply because the vast majority of stories involving trigger words like 'homebirth' and 'vegan parenting' are going to be negative. In similar stories that don't involve those words, do you ever see the opposite lifestyle choice mentioned?

After the hospital-birthing Smiths brought the baby home, they decided that he must like the sugar water he received there for a reason, so they fed him that and bits of their hamburger, because as omnivores they believed he needed more protein.

Truthfully, I think my frustration mostly stems from the fact that I would fall out of my chair if I saw an equal number of openly biased articles about deaths from iatrogenic events or mainstream parenting. I'm just mad that these parents were ridiculously dogmatic and astoundingly stupid within the same philosophy I have, and that a baby died from it. That gets so much more dramatic coverage as validation that the lifestyle choices are dangerous, when the real point is that morons procreated.

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Random Tuesday Blog

2007-05-08T17:23:00.000-05:00

1. We still don't know anything about whether we can go ahead with the building approval application (yes, we have to be approved to apply to be approved to build. I heart bureaucracy). And we pushed back putting the house up until next week b/c we lost our steam, but regardless of what we do we want out of here, so we'll move forward. Plus, we spent money on the stupid POD, so I don't want to waste it. Which brings me to:

2.The following 2 minute video is for the haters (or Jon, Amanda, Chris, Josh and Brandee) who didn't believe that a big Johnny-number-five robot came and dropped off the POD. So I taped it going back on. It's actually pretty interesting if you have nothing else to do and want to hear me telling Jack to stop pulling my pants down and Jon's mom crowing when all the water comes off the top.

3. Not sure if you've been keeping up on America's resident vapid socialite disgrace, aka Paris, but apparently she's going to jail for violating her probation by driving on a suspended license - twice. I think that's awesome. I am really digging that mental picture. But I read today that there appears to be a PETITION to PARDON PARIS from jail, and it's addressed to good ole' Ahnold, as Gov. That in itself is absurd (for lots o' reasons) but the reason her fans say she should be pardoned? Because she provides

"beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives."

My head just imploded.

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Huh

2007-05-03T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have eleventy billion houseplans saved (decision's still on hold, will know more next week, wait is killing me) and usually the description for the house is something boring like "A traditional exterior leads to a modern layout with open spaces and desired amenities blahblahblahblah." I often skip to the layout, because no one really cares about the description. But this one happened to catch my eye and made my day:

House Plan Details

Oh, I was so humiliated. At the age of seven, with my own pony at Fieldstone Farm, I was certain I could ride the bucking donkey at the fair. Eluding my father's grasp, I slipped quickly toward the clown, who led me around the ring. The donkey bucked not once, yet the "little lady" was offered the five dollar prize. My feelings were hurt. My pride was destroyed. My only recourse was to decline the five dollar bill and return determinedly to my seat.

I love that that slipped past an editor. Awesome.

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Ode to a dirty cap

2007-05-02T10:42:00.000-05:00

Last year my friend Carson asked me if I wanted to participate in a book she and her mother were putting together. As lifelong fans of style, they were collecting stories from women about an article of clothing that meant something special to them. The example narrative was about Carson's mom's wedding dress. And at first I was way stoked - I love narratives! So I thought and thought and thought. I wrote a couple rough drafts - about the pants I wore in each of my labors, a dress from childhood, things that had coincided with a special event. But none of them sounded right to me, and I think it was because the clothes themselves were incidental to the event at which I was wearing them. And that's not the same thing. So I dropped it, thinking I'd give it time to stew in the back of my head. Periodically it has popped up in my thinking, but months have passed with no real inspiration, which is sort of surprising to me. I mean, I have never known or cared a whole lot about what's stylish, but I don't wear potato sacks! You'd think something would spark my interest. So recently as we've been cleaning and packing I came across something so obvious I had to laugh. Of course this is what I could write about.

I was on the rowing (crew) team in college - which in and of itself is a funny story. I am not a good candidate for successful rowing, I'm about 4 inches too short and also too tall for either position in the boat. But I did it anyway because my annual need to feel athletic was itching, and it was a walk-on NCAA team (love Title IX, eh?). And among the box of school-logoed gear and clothing (all of which is somehow eerily lost) we had white ball caps that said Crew and Kansas State University in purple on it. The back had the rowing symbol of crossed oars.

And as a then ball cap wearer on a daily basis, I Loved. That. Hat.

I cut out the stitching under the top, bent the bill to the perfect curve and wore the hell out of it. It was such a talisman of power for me, as a reminder to myself and everyone else that heck yeah I got out of bed at 5:00 every morning to make practice on the November frigid waters (which if you know me - that's astonishing). I gained 18lbs of pure muscle and could power-clean lift a crazy large number (don't ask, that also has been eerily lost to me). I actually felt more comfortable with femininity as an athlete than in a dress. I put my hair in a messy bun through the back hole of the hat and I was good to go. And that hat stayed with me even after my short-lived rowing career ended with a piggy-back ride induced ankle injury (again, if you know me - that's not astonishing).

I continued to wear the hat through the rest of college and for a while when I moved back to KC. But slowly my life began changing, and subconsciously, so did my style. I had kids, cut my hair in the hip shorty-bob layered-in-the-back look, and the hat just didn't seem to fit as well anymore. Somehow it got too big, and I wonder if the need for the head-swelling-ego boost was gone with it. I have new things that make me feel strong and feminine and proud, and the hat just doesn't fit my life anymore. If I have to run to the store and am (not surprisingly) not showered yet, I am more apt to toss on Jon's Royals hat now. Or a pretty scarf-headband.

And when realizing that, I felt both sad and somewhat nostalgic, because I am so proud of that time of my life when I was on crew - it was a really difficult one. I learned far more in college than all my other years put together, and I don't want to forget how much I've changed. But I don't see how I can, and that's comforting.

So I guess it's fitting to my personality that what really represents something meaningful to me is not my wedding dress (though it's beautiful), not a worn-in pair of jeans (though I have some), but a stinky, looks-like-it's-been-run-over hat. It's faded and perma-stained and the seams are coming apart and the brim is fraying - but I'll never get rid of it. It's still a talisman, but in a different way.

I still love that hat.

I just don't need it as much anymore.

I'm no dummy

2007-04-29T13:51:00.000-05:00

Our current governmental model of parenting is dictatorship (complete with awesome sentences like "I'm sorry you don't want to take a bath, but I'm The Mommy and we're going to do it"). Eventually I hope it becomes Egalitarian, but I don't have hopes for that to happen until high school or beyond. Until then, I am the boss.

But recently my kids have started trying to mutiny. I know they're planning a coup, they just want to see how weak I am before they launch it. They're testing me, watching to see what I can take before I give up. They're smart, I'll give them that.

But I'm on to them.

P.S. Lorelei's ear infection is gone with no antibiotic use. That's verifiable proof of my genius. ;)

Humina humina

2007-04-26T12:48:00.000-05:00

So the changelings and I took the cross-country trek to WO to get some groceries, and I saw this on sale:

And HOLY SMOKES I just had to tell you that these might become my new favorite snack! Here are the ingredients:

Sweet Potato
Squash
Carrot
Green Bean
Taro
Non-hydrogenated Canola oil
Sea Salt

They are so light and kinda salty/sweet - seriously, they're amazing. The kids and I ate a good portion of them just at lunch. So, for those who are looking to eat healthy food that tastes like junk, these vegetables (albeit the starchy ones, which are mainly sugar) are a great way.

Yum.

"I'm 4 years-old"

2007-04-26T08:52:00.000-05:00

Ever see that old Cosby routine where he talks about Jeffrey, the 4 year-old terror on the airplane? Anyway, Jacoby's birthday was yesterday, and all day when he answered the question of how old he was I thought of that.

Pretty fun day, Lorelei and I took cupcakes up to Jack's class and watched them sing. He handled it pretty well, but only because he knew there was a sweet treat coming (as apparent by his lunging the second the song is over).

And Lo, despite an ear infection, got a cupcake -

- to which she immediately and without delay hit sugar nirvana.

Later that night we hit the childhood mecca - Chuck E. Cheese - for pizza as bad as you remember, lots of family and friends, and yes: more sugar!

What more could a kid want for his birthday, I ask?

.

Blah

2007-04-24T17:09:00.000-05:00

Not much to report, my brain hurts from trying to sort out what we should do with the house options, and my nose stings from my little cling-on (get it? Klingon?) smelling like garlic and mullein oil.

But I wandered onto this article today, and got a good laugh out of it. Probably because I'm tired, but I'll take what I can.

New Wool Blanket Tears Commune Apart

.

Yah, hullo

2007-04-23T16:13:00.000-05:00

So it's Monday and technically only 72 degrees, but it's hot in my house, and I'm reminded just how much Kansas summers really bite. It's been kind of a tiring day..

This morning we went to visit the Developmental Ped that dxd Jack 18 months ago. We haven't been in a year, and I was curious what the guy would say about how Jack has changed. He pushed Prozac so strongly the two times we saw him before that I had dubbed him 'Dr. Prozac', and actually stuttered a bit today when trying to recall his real name. Anyway, he said Jack rocks (he even asked me if I wanted to discuss un-dxing him from PDD-NOS) and confirmed my thoughts that eventually he'll switch the dx to Aspergers. And that's ok.

Lo has had an up-and-down fever since Fri, so I finally took her in this afternoon to rule out something horrible, but it's an ear infection. I told him that I was going to try some garlic oil first, but that if it persisted I'd fill the antibiotic script at week's end. He was fine with that, which I appreciate. I might try and take her to a chiro first to see if we can get that fluid to drain on its own.

We've also had a pretty major setback on Operation Housebuild. Apparently because there has been so much growth that direction, the city planning committee of where the property is, made a rule a few years ago that people who want to build have to have a certain amount of acreage to guarantee room for a future 4-lane expansion on the existing gravel road. And considering when Jon's family moved there 20 years ago they were told the road would be paved soon, I'm not thinking the risk of a 4-laner will happen anytime soon. But, the point is that based on the shape of the property, apparently 2 (or even 2.5) acres is not enough to qualify to build. I find that heart-breakingly ironic considering I could stretch my arms out and touch my neighbor's house, but it is what it is. So we could quite honestly have to drop this entire idea. Or, like Jon's mom says, we can still build onto their existing house, like the original plan was. But I don't want to accept that yet, so I'll let you know what we decide. For now our house is still going up next Tuesday, so we'll see what happens.

Oy vey, wish us luck please.

Holy Implants, Batman!

2007-04-20T08:16:00.000-05:00

I just discovered that good ole' Pamela Anderson is a homebirthing, extended nursing, organic living, card-carrying crunchy momma.

I can't seem to make the two ideas combine in my head, but rock on Pam!

...I guess.

My current autism research

2007-04-19T16:51:00.000-05:00

ETA: For some reason I can't manipulate the code to make the links pop-up in a different window. Grrrr. Sorry.

I've recently discovered an entire population of the autism world that is vehemently against any of the current culture involving 'cures' and the like. They, for the most part, believe that it is solely a genetic thing, and are incredibly disrespectful and derisive towards those who think vaccines specifically have any correlation. And while I don't think Jack's autism is directly caused by vaccines, I do very much believe that those with the genetic predisposition have varying degrees of environmental triggers, and that vaccines are not for us personally for many reasons. And I'm kind of surprised to see such diametrically opposed schools-of-thought when it comes to the causation factor. I know a lot of people who absolutely believe it's nothing neurological, but in fact, immunological. Thus if you heal the immune system, you effectively cure the autism. There are extreme cases of toxicity that can be healed, definitely. But I just don't think it can be all one or the other, no way. The diagnosis itself (which, apparently I am horrible for even allowing the medicalization enough to call it a diagnosis - imagine that!) is so ill-defined and vague, that it precludes any absolute declarations, as far as I'm concerned.

What I'm beginning to cautiously... research? is the mindset of those who believe that autism - even in its most extreme forms - is merely neurodiversity, and not any sort of 'problem' or 'disorder'. In sort of the I'm-ok-you're-ok vein, a lot of these people are very hardcore against any thinking that includes changing the autistic person. Often I hear them complain that early-intervention services or therapies are actually not unlike civil liberties violations, and compare it to circumcising a baby (in that a baby has no say in what you are doing for them and should be allowed to be part of the decision).

And as much as that thinking seems so 180 from what I initially thought, I do understand what they mean. I vaccilate so strongly between rejecting the autism label and using it as a crutch. I both hate it and need it, and really, I would love if I could just stop considering it at all. I hate when I have the autism-filter on when interacting with Jack. Why can't he just be Jack? However most of the 'purist' sites I've wandered onto have turned me off simply because of their attitudes towards those trying to heal their children from vax (or other bodily-toxic) damage. Overall they believe in healing auties who have sensory issues, but that trying to force someone who thinks differently into a majority-ruled box is cruel. That rings true deep down, but so does the concept of Socialism y'know? (Meaning, is it realistic? I don't know for sure.) For instance, one of the 'symptoms' of autism is the inability to read facial expressions - thus resulting in lack of empathy. But they say that it is unfair to assume only auties can't read facial expressions. Here's a surprising quiz, try it and see how you do. Facial Expression test. There is a woman named Amanda Baggs who is by all accounts extremely autistic - is nonverbal- yet is so incredibly amazing. She created a video called 'In My Language' that was so eye-opening. It seems odd at first, but her computer begins to tell you her thoughts a minute or so into it. She is the perfect example of what this school-of-thought (whatever it can be called) represents.

Last year, a group called Autism Speaks put a video out called 'Autism Every Day' (you can see it here at the bottom of the page, it's 13 minutes long. Disregard the intro by ole' sensitive himself, Don Imus.) If you do get a chance, I would like you to watch it because it shows the single most extreme feelings and cases involving autism. And probably your heartstrings will be pulled - which is the point, because it may make you want to donate more towards an autism cause then, say, hearing me complain about my life with Jack. But although I don't think it's published, those in the 'know' suggest that this group strongly supports prenatal testing -oh wait, I mean eugenics- and that they are so negative and doomsday that they are much more damaging than helpful. That I agree with. Watching that video wheneverago plunged my hope into oblivion for like, a week. These are the same parents that were featured recently on Oprah's autism show, and were much more positive than previously. I know that the video was manipulated in a way to foster the drama, but the fact that they allowed a woman to talk about how she wanted to drive off a bridge with her daughter- in front of her daughter- is reprehensible.

And all this is just to share what I'm looking at and thinking about. I don't have it figured out, and obviously that's ok. And I know some people (secretly or not) think I make too much of the autism thing anyway, and that's ok too. I may look back someday and laugh that we ever thought Jack was autistic (I doubt it). Or I may look back and realize that it was an adjustment of personality more than anything (probably). But until I get there, I think it goes along with my need to do what's best for my monkeys to try and figure it out, you know? I'm sure I'll let you know when I do, haha. ;)

Hello!

2007-04-18T15:44:00.000-05:00

Despite all the sadness this week, I am so happy that another beautiful baby was born. Welcome sweet Stella Kate!

Pictures courtesy of a happily-tired Sara from her phone Tuesday evening. Congrats also to Matt and big-brother Isaiah.

Where was my camera?

2007-04-17T11:29:00.000-05:00

Jack, looking down while sitting on the potty:

"Oh PLEASE poopy come out so I can watch a yellow Einstein video!"

And Lo..

2007-04-14T11:33:00.000-05:00

C'mon, you had to know this was coming. It's just too much fun.

Jack

2007-04-14T00:13:00.000-05:00

A woman on my Autism board made a slideshow of her son, and posted to tell us how well it was working to keep her spirits up when she was having a bad day. I think that's a wonderful idea.

So in keeping with my looove of montages, I present to you my little champion.

Ignorance is power

2007-04-13T08:01:00.000-05:00

Recently the MO Senate filibustered the bill proposal SB303 to make attending a homebirth legal. It's currently a felony unless medically licensed (Certified Nurse Midwife or OB), and even then restrictions are limiting enough that legal homebirths in MO are less-than common. So usually a pregnant couple has to say they had a UC (unasissted childbirth), and the attending lay midwife basically risks jailtime. There is a lot of coded conversation when discussing it and the entire culture is ridiculously witch-hunted. The inherent back-assward part of it all is that it's not illegal to have a homebirth, just attend one. So of all the talk about homebirth being dangerous, personally I think making a couple do it unassisted (when they would otherwise choose a professional) is much, much more dangerous. The very vast majority of childbirth is safe - if you are patient - but that doesn't mean I think everyone should just try and catch their own babies. Really though, that's not much of an issue, because like I said, most couples have a lay midwife, they just have to legally say they didn't. Kansas is not a whole lot better. It's technically legal, but lay midwives don't have hospital privileges. So for instance if I had had to transfer during Lo's birth, my midwife would have had to go as my doula, or not at all. Which is still a redheaded-step-child kind of treatment, but better than nothing I guess.

And if the speeches during the filibuster had been useless - say, about the Royal's *snort* - it would have been simply irritating. But many of the Senators were laughably ignorant when they tried to campaign for the danger of homebirth. One woman said there was a risk of the baby getting caught up in the placenta. The placenta! (For those who don't know, that is what attaches to the side of the uterus and provides nutrients to the baby.) It's literally impossible to get 'caught' in it, whatever the hell that means anyway. But my favorite was when they said that legalizing midwifery would be a danger to pregnant women. Read that again. Seriously, I don't know what that could mean besides implying that big-bellied women would be at risk for kidnapping and forced homebirthing.

Which brings me to the crux of the idiocy of it all. People who want to birth at home WANT TO BIRTH AT HOME. No one is trying to mandate hospital abolition. So why does anyone care if all parties involved want to choose to do it? If the Senate thinks it's safe enough to choose homebirth, then it logically follows they need to make it as safe an option as possible. And really, the whole safety/danger issue is ridiculous to me anyway. Homebirth is statistically as safe or safer than a hospital birth. But, out of respect for my pregnant friend(s), I won't launch into a hospital=bad discussion, for no other reason than I'm not so anti-medical that I wouldn't go to a hospital for an emergency. I've said six thousand times (mostly to my mother during my own pregnancy): If I were having an appendicitis, I would not rub herbs on my stomach and dance around in circles while chanting. I would get mineself to an emergency room post-haste.

But again, the most frustrating thing to me is just the ignorance of it all. The Senators who get to make the decision know virtually nothing about pregnancy and childbirth, and that reflects the majority of the American culture. It's socially acceptable to label me a weirdo, but in mainstream Midwest I can't comfortably discuss all the reasons why I think the obstetric medical model is irresponsible.

So sometimes I think I should live in the Pacific Northwest. Crunchy there is mainstream, and I'd probably feel more normal. Jon's wanted to move there for years. However that may prove difficult with this whole house thing (not to mention our friends and families), so I'll probably just stay here and polish my soapbox some more. After all, Susan B. Anthony said "Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputations... can never effect a reform."

(Yeah, I don't know if that fits at all, but it sounds inspiring.)

Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007

2007-04-12T07:54:00.000-05:00

Tip your glass to one of the most influential writers in a generation.

Chained Melody

2007-04-11T12:13:00.000-05:00

I am *such* a sucker for musical montages. It started as a child. I mean, heck yeah I can win the All-Valley Karate Tournament with a crane kick after two months of lessons. So long as I can hear 'You're The Best Around' the whole time. I can clean out grain mills for the long-awaited school dance, ride my bike to the Lighthouse restaurant with a treasure map in my pocket and most importantly, be taken out of the corner I was sitting in to go dance on stage. If I have those songs in the background.

And I wish I could say I have mastered the power of this overt manipulation and have grown out of it. But really, I'm still a sucker, I'm just a sucker for the more adult-angsty montages now. I try so hard, but ((sigh)) I find myself drawn towards the type of music played on WB teen shows. Jon actually will classify a song that way - and he's often right. And let's not kid ourselves, anyone who tries to disagree with me better not be a fan of Grey's Anatomy. Or Friends. Or ESPN for that matter.

So, this all being said, I wanted to blame this entire useless (blathering, of course) blog on Lawson. He forced me to watch the final scene of Six Feet Under again when he posted it, and now I'm obsessed with the song 'Breathe' by Sia that is playing during it. It's my current favorite song. And because addicts want company, I'm going to copy him and post this YouTube clip and ask that you fall in love with the song (and the show if you are strong enough; it's pretty heady) to perpetuate the Myth of Musical Montages. Because this is one of the best ever.

Rainy Tuesday part deux

2007-04-10T20:43:00.000-05:00

I lied. I want more me-time. Mememe. Therefore I think I'll unabashedly copy my friend/past Collegian editor, Reed's, 'About Me' list idea from his blog. Mostly because number 37 is the same for me, and I didn't realize that until he wrote it. But I won't do 100, because he is much more interesting.

1. I went on a date with Bob Dole's nephew during the '96 elections and no one warned me before I rattled off why Dole was not a good candidate.
2. My parents were divorced for thirteen years and then got back together when I was in high school.
3. My sister wasn't born until I was 15.
4. I was born in Greeley, CO while my mom was at the U of Northern Colorado.
5. I have sensory issues so strongly that the sound of frozen things coming out of the freezer usually makes me shudder and wince.
6. My degree is English Lit and I was a professional technical writer, but the truth is I have no real knowledge of editorial rules.
7. I don't even know if number 6 was written properly.
8. I grew up in Colorado.
9. My knees hyper-extend 13 degrees. I can bend them backward like Barbie's.
10. I love to sing and secretly think I can do it fairly well, but am embarrassed to karaoke.
11. I've been to an ostrich farm.
12. I have a goal to play the violin within ten years.
13. My fear of (and reaction to) loud thunderstorms is very childlike.
14. Sometimes it's easier to love Lorelei, and I hate that I feel that.
15. I have a compulsion to hyphenate things because I don't know editing rules.
16. I regret my major. I actually wish I would have majored in Creative Writing.
17. I used to date someone named Andy Garcia.
18. Jack's middle name (Ryan) is for a good friend of mine who drowned saving someone in college.
19. I've eaten the majority of the carrot cake I brought to dinner on Sunday.
20. On my 21st birthday I had 22 shots.
21. I have a hard time saying 'rear wheel drive'.
22. Jon and I literally had to plan our wedding around K-State's football season (for his then-job).
23. I've been to Peter Coors' house, I was picked up at the gate in a golf cart.
24. I once wrote a letter to a horrible customer I served and ended up getting fired for it.
25. I can blow tiny bubbles off the end of my tongue.

Rainy Tuesday

2007-04-10T13:39:00.000-05:00

Not a whole lot to post (but I'm lagging on the d'jour thing, and I want to keep my fans - especially the pregnant ones - happy).

Let's see..Jon met with a different builder today, one who has more experience with the insulated panels we want to use, but his quote is MUCH higher than the highest we were already trying to avoid. However, his clientele is the type that usually has no limit, so we're hoping we can bring it way down by not wanting to put in Egyptian marble or diamond-encrusted faucets (or whatever it is that can be exorbitant to build in a house). We talked with my dad about pre-wiring low voltage things (media and other programmable-type systems) and we're realizing that we may need to consider the cost of putting in things that we may not use immediately (entire-house light systems, reverse-osmosis water filters, etc.) because even though it would be expensive now, it would be much more expensive to retro-fit this stuff later when the house is done.

So our current list of things to do is: Find a builder, decide on a loan (purchase, construction or construction-to-permanent), qualify for the loan, decide on a house, survey the land, soil test the land, appraise the land, parcel the land, legally deed the land to someone, clean/fix/shine this house, put it on the market, sell it and move. And then we can break ground on the house. And I write that not for sympathy purposes but more so I can think out loud.

Hmmm.. The other house I linked is not going to work for us for a couple reasons, and actually I think that's ok. I liked the inside, but I realized I didn't love the outside (man that sounds so superficial to me.). But we're discussing right now this house or this one. I think I'm leaning towards the second one. Whatchoo think?

Ok, I think that's enough me-time for today. We are T-minus 20 days until we are on the market, so forgive me that I'm overly obsessed about this. It's invading my dreams.. OH, one other thing. I found out our neighbors two down from us are also putting their house up (that will make three on the block alone) but they are putting it up for 15% under value! That is a HUGE difference in listing prices. Huge. They need to sell for financial reasons, and I am sorry that they are in that position, but that really and totally SUCKS for the rest of us in the neighborhood. I can only hope it goes so fast that people think they need to snap up all the other houses too. That's what I'm telling myself anyway..

God is good.

2007-04-08T12:23:00.000-05:00

Thanks for nothing

2007-04-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

I only care about college basketball for roughly three weeks a year. Usually I fill out brackets with zero idea of what I'm picking and once my Final Four teams drop out, I stop paying attention. I'm not so bad that I pick pretty-colored uniforms, but if really questioned, my basketball knowledge would be found to be directly from Jon's mouth or Sports Illustrated.

So last year when Jon told me about some guy 'Huggins' who was going to save K-State basketball I was my typical apathetic self about it. But it really was a big deal. A fever shot through every K-State fan and before I knew it, I was hooked. The black uniforms, the kick-ass highlight video, the excitement of the possibilities - it was awesome. Over the course of a year I began to think about being a name in basketball, maybe finally earn the cred we still seem to be fighting for in football. When tourney time came around the buzz was strong for us, and I was just as jaw-dropped as my fellow Wildcats when we didn't get an NCAA bid. But I was still stoked about next year and let myself brush off my rusty smack-talking skills. Top recruiting class, first-year kinks worked out - we were going to kick ass and take names. Maybe even take down the almighty Hawks. Legitimately.

But now? Now I remember why I honestly don't like to follow sports more than casually. Because this feels like our football loss in 1998, and I am suprised at how upset I feel. And it sucks. It's not fun to put your hope out there and have it so rudely thrown back.

So, Bob Huggins, I've decided I don't think I really want to delve into the passion of college basketball anymore. Not if this is what I get. I didn't get to enjoy much of the fun that convinces you to keep up when there's no reason to. I didn't get to gloat to anyone important. I didn't get to taste the sweet victory of something so hard-earned or deserving. And we deserve it.

So when you go fufill the dreams of Morgantown, go ahead and add "crushed budding hoops fan" to your list of things left unfinished at K-State. And while you're at it, send me some money. Because I spent $15 for a t-shirt that I don't want to wear anymore.

And you owe me at least that much.

Information better known yesterday..

2007-04-06T13:24:00.000-05:00

(Name the movie!)

Ok, so I discovered two things *after* initially creating this blog.

1) Apparently blogspot sucks, and I should have gone with Wordpress.

2) A whole lot of people are using the garden-y template I was using.

So I may mess around with the design for a while. Be patient. Also, I enabled anonymous comments so you don't have to have a blogspot account. But please sign your name in the message and don't be a dork with what you write or I'll just delete it.

Ciao!

Home Sweet Home

2007-04-05T10:37:00.000-05:00

So we've recently been discussing ad infinitum a possible scenario. Jon's parents have offered to deed over a couple acres on their property for us to build a house (which is an update for those who knew the original proposal). And this is *the* golden carrot for me. I really want to raise my kids on some property where I can have a garden and a goat and no HOA. It fits into my still-considering plans to homeschool, and the kids would get to grow up with their grandparents, basically. It would be a hard transition to live that close to them, but it's doable with a lot of communication. It's an awesome possibility, and I'm stoked to get out of suburbia.

What we're doing now is deciding on a builder, desperately getting the house ready to put on the market May 1 and getting loan(s) in order. Basically we are either going to do this RIGHT NOW, or next year. But financially it will be wiser to do it this year b/c it would be more expensive next year, and the loan rates are good now. Plus, as those who have read my rant on this subdivision know, I just want out of this house ASAP. So we'll put the house up, and if it sells, we'll move in with Jon's parents while we build. It's going to be not the most fun living in their house, but we could potentially save a boatload of money if we can just be patient.

So far the most fun has been looking for house designs. And I discovered quickly that I seem to be intrinsically rejecting anything that looks like the new style of homes going up everywhere. They're fine, I just want something that won't look ostentatious (and fits our style better). I was surprised to learn that this house is the one I have (possibly unfortunately) fallen in love with. I'm really hoping we can fit a budget to build it. I think we can, I just don't want to be house-poor. We meet with a builder today to go over everything, and we should have a better idea then if we're being realistic. If we're not, I think I'll be ok with not being able to build a house that big, so long as I can find another plan that I like as much (or, best case scenario, we can adjust that plan through CAD).

So that's it. If anyone has experience building, let me know your advice. Oh, and Shelly, we decided not to do the carpet now, but we may still see if Doug could come contract out to help us get stuff done b/f we move.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Kyrie

2007-04-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

I don't randomly send out prayer requests - especially to those I know don't pray- but I feel compelled to pass on the story of a little girl named Kyrie (ky-ree) who is really sick with a spreading brain tumor. And while thinking of her the other day I remembered from high school choir that kyrie eleison means Lord Have Mercy, and can be exceedingly haunting when sung in a Mass. And as angsty as it may sound, haunted is how I feel when I think of what it would be like to be her mother, since Lorelei is the same age.

So if you pray, meditate, forward karma or just manifest, please send peace to Kyrie and her family. Thanks.

Hooked on Phonics doesn't work for everyone

2007-04-03T16:52:00.000-05:00

I just got off the phone making an appt, and I have to say how surprised I am that so many people can't say my son's name.

Jacoby (juh-COH-bee). It seems obvious to me. Short a, long o, sounded y.

And yet I either hear JACKoby, JACOBee or just Jacob (I mean, don't worry about that extra letter or anything, it must be for extra word-points or something). But by far the biggest kick for me is the awkward pause I get sometimes as people attempt to hide their dislike, as if they need to shield me from their powerful opinions. Like I must have lost in the 'name lottery' or something. Whatever.

Idiots.

Green Guadian - of my money..

2007-04-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

Blah. Despite my possibly-apparent bravado, I'm actually not someone who can call and complain to companies unless I truly feel it's irrefutable. And I'm torn on what to do about a freaking organic lawn-care service we ordered last fall. A little backstory:

I hate living in the county we do. A large majority of the people living here are upper middle-class and stupidly superficial. We live in a cutesy little HOA cookie-cutter house neighborhood, and everyone happily mows and plants flowers and walks around spraying deathly chemicals all over so they can have the greeenest patch of cancer on the street*. Not suprisingly I am the biggest oddball on the block. And that poor retired wanna-be-gardener next to me.. I probably give him nightmares. Truly.

So last year our lawn was finally looking SO bad that I was embarrassed enough to admit we needed help. But I wouldn't let Jon order a chemical service, so we ordered the only stupid organic service in all of KS (which, actually, is out of MN). The long-short is they came once, we gave them almost $400, and then winter showed up. Last week I called to schedule the next appointment, b/c the dandelions are big enough to gang up on the dog, and the guy I talked to told me they didn't have a KS branch anymore and see ya, basically. So after farting around with him for a bit, he tells me his manager will call me, though there's nothing they'll do.

And this is where the conundrum for me is. Yes, our lawn was horrid last year. And yes, it is slightly less horrid now, but how much less should it be? After talking to other people, I found out this stupid ONE TIME SERVICE cost twice as much as others spend in an entire year. Crikey. Is this a case of Caveat Emptor, or should I at least have a right to call and ask for the weed service refunded? I have worked in a customer service position before, and I *hate* those people. You know the ones. So how do I know if I have a right to be upset vs becoming another spoiled consumer who should have realized I was paying a ridiculous amount? What would you do? How do you call with a mission to get something knowing they'll probably stonewall you? I can't threaten anything (first, b/c I have nothing, they're not even local to call the Action News team or whatever, and secondly, doing that turns me into that person. And I just can't unless I know I'm being wronged). So what, I just whip out some fierce rhetoric and know they will laugh about me at lunch? No thanks.

Any thoughts or advice?

*I should be fair and say I have nothing against green grass and flowers and lawnscaping. I just hate that the expectation is there, and to pick plants that don't thrive in this soil naturally means reverting to incredibly toxic chemicals being used. And for what? Aesthetics? It's wasteful and stupid. But I digress, and I was intending to temper my judgment for my friends (and neighbors) who might read this and feel attacked. It's not you, it's the fact that there is actually a company called 'ChemLawn'. Does that not freak anyone else out?

Itsy Bitsy this, suckers

2007-04-02T18:58:00.000-05:00

This song is on my Myspace playlist, which we often listen to as we make and eat lunch. And today, after a crazy afternoon, Jack asked for the dance/clap song. I had no idea what he was talking about, until he tried to do an Irish jig like I (try to) do when I'm dancing with Lo in the kitchen.

So I think it's official when my children are requesting a song called 'Drunken Lullabies' that I might be nominated as a b-a-a-a-d parent.

(But at least they'll be cooler than those other toddler dorks listening to Barney, eh?)

Autism - 1, Jen - 0

2007-04-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

These last couple weeks or so have been really bad for us, Autism-wise. I feel more defeated now than before he was dxd, but that may be attributed to ignorance then. And I make jokes about it (like the below post) but it is wearing me down how uncommunicative he's become. I know he's developmentally at that stage where he's independant and defiant and testing boundaries. But another child at that stage would also be able to discuss some of the frustrations (why you wear a jacket in the morning) and ours just are daily - no, minutely- battles. There's a wall between us and we can't get around it.

And I think if it were just that, I'd pray for more patience (or nip at wine all day). But what's really worrying me is the sudden onset of all of his old stims. We were at our friend's last weekend and I was so shocked to see a long line of red blocks lined up next to a line of blue blocks. That type of rigid play is the hallmark of Jack's stims. Along with the vocal noises that are his version of echolalia ( he grunts, makes short spits, and makes high-pitched back-of-the-throat chirps), he is tipping his head back and squinting to look at you. These are what break my heart - it's irrefutable regression. I'm desperately hoping it's one of those situations where a child will slide back right before a huge developmental leap. I have no idea why else this would be happening. Since our dx we have only had forward-making strides, to the point where this past fall I was delusionally trying to convince myself we could be undxd in a few years. I was happily talking to Jon about when we should try to add another bambino, I was really researching homeschool and was feeling overall that we got this Autism thing down.

But maybe this is just a reminder that it's not that simple. I had truthfully admitted to myself (whether I was consciously ready to admit it) that Jack most probably will be re-dxd with Asperger Syndrome someday -which is not a death sentence obviously, but is not the same thing as being totally undxd, thus dropping the stupid albatross of a label. And as much as I think there are contributing factors to his condition, the one thing I had never given much credence to was the fact that he lost a lot of oxygen when he was born. He was one purple little monkey for longer than I care to remember. And I know that I've never validated that option b/c to do so would admit that there is just nothing I can do to 'fix' that. Oxygen starvation is final and that sucks.

And that thought has been niggling in my brain recently as a possibility. I refuse to validate the thought that he could reach a point and plataeu - I just can't. But if something doesn't change with his communication skills soon, I'm going to lose it, I think. It's just so freaking hard to deal with and think about on a daily basis. I try to stay positive - he does have some legit gifted skills. But they mean shit if he can't socialize or have a conversation with someone.

What sucks the most is the not knowing. And not having anyone to compare it to to know what is normal or Autism-related. Some days I'm tired of the pity. Others I'm tired of the 'oh my child does that'. God love his teachers, they are unfailingly positive. But I know that's mostly as a CYA b/c they can't legally make dxs, so their hands are tied as far as speculating. I just want someone else to sit down and say 'This is what is wrong with his body. This is what is wrong with his brain. Feed him this. Play this game. Read this book. Take this supplement.' I just hate feeling that it's on me to know and decide it all. (It's not, I do try and give the worry to God, but God didn't give me a brain and resources so I that I can just clock-out and then expect miracles. So mostly that's just a prayer that I love Jack even if he spirals into oblivion. Obviously I need to pray more.)

So that's it. I'm not plunging into depression, but this is one of the dark sides of my parenting life. I'm always thinking about how blessed I am (because I am) and how it could be worse. And that's true. But this week has definitely been a this-really-blows-I'm-tired-of-it week. And I feel better having written it out, so hopefully I can update soon and say he's reading Latin.

He did draw (an upside down and backward) letter J yesterday. That's cool, right?

In Search Of..

2007-04-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

ISO pleasantly calm, identical-looking android mommy to supplement day-parenting for almost-4 year-old boy and 18 month-old girl. Please note the following requirements:

*Internal map of which color park destination is being referenced each day.
*Ability to interpret needs of two children unable to have dialogue.
*Ability to distinguish when a food request is legit or apparently the worst thing ever made.
*Enjoys kisses and hugs.
*Won't ever sing or dance or clap or snap fingers - UNLESS DEMANDED TO.
*Is ok with never using the bathroom alone again.
*Doesn't need to shower between the hours of 6:45am and 5:00 pm.
*Can find new way to explain temperature change from morning to afternoon re: jackets.
*Can take stairs 7 at a time when apparent sibling affection turns into curious eye-poking.
*Can explain blisters on feet when refusal of sock-wearing ensues.
*Is knowledgeable of all autism symptoms and can analyze or speculate endlessly.
*Will appreciate the sweet 'please' and 'thank you mommy' that will be given.
*Will wrestle to wash hair in bath.
*Does not need any consecutive hours of sleep.
*Can find new way to explain potty learning re: diapers vs underwear.
*Tunes out inappropriate screaming and laughing during times of apparent anxiety.
*Can differentiate the mornings when going to 'school' is great vs the worst idea ever.
*Intrinsically knows when toddler is about to eat something inedible.
*Can attempt to explain why yelling during toddler naptime is unwise idea.
*Doesn't drink wine (is original mommy's).
*Cooks super-nutritiously with no mess or preparation.
*Is willing to crawl on hands-and-knees in chase game in hallway for hours.
*Can explain why bad weather negates going to any of the colored slides.
*Compass in car not necessary.
*Can kill ants (bonus included if successful).
*Understands will be wrong about every word, suggestion, question or demand uttered.
*Does not mind listening to Dr. Seuss books read.
*Can sense when marker is leaving page for teeth or carpet.
*Can listen to Mary Poppins songs all day if necessary for peace.
*Won't call husband every hour to see if that day could be an early-home day.
*Takes pictures timed so all eyes are open and no limbs are in motion.
*Will love with every molecule despite being a volunteer position.

Please contact ASAP, as original mommy is about to pack the bags and leave poor husband to fend for himself for a week.

Glowrelei

2007-03-30T10:05:00.000-05:00

Watch out boys, this one's in training.

The Inagural Blog

2007-03-29T14:55:00.000-05:00

I finally broke down and created a blog. I'm hesitant to do this because blogging to me honestly seems pretty self-serving. It's kind of arrogant to assume I have anything that is worth posting worldwide - much less so that other people would purposely come to read it.

But I have a Myspace page, and blog there often. It seems to stroke my ego enough, even though I know my audience is captive to that quicksand-of-a-site, and most likely bouncing onto my page from someone else's.

However I've noticed my blogs have evolved to more of an Op-Ed kind of tone, and although I enjoy writing narratives, I don't like that I've created for myself a format that I can't seem to break. (Mostly I fear I'll turn into Rick Reilly, with his horrid gimmicky sentences and cheesy themes. I'd rather break all my fingers first then write like him. I swear it.)

So I came here to (hopefully) write more casually. And more so - more comfortably with my interests. I like thinking that if you are reading this you may actually want to be. Or you love me enough to humor me.

I am finishing the touches on my gold-plated soapbox.

Muahahahaha..